26 days on Abilify felt wonderful. 27 starts slipping. 28 I'm to my waist, maybe my chest. Oh this was supposed to be the answer. why or why couldn't it have beent he answer? Studpid Dr. P. he is an idiot. I want another dr but my ins only pays for one in that group and i don't know if i can deal with seeing him if i change to the other dr.
it all has me thinking about cyclothymia (form of bi-polar). I printed out a list of syptoms for the hypomanic and depressive phases of cyclothymic disorder. I identified with 9 of the 17 hypomanic and 11 out of 13 of the depressive signs and symptoms. Yet he says I don't have bipolar because I am not running in the streets naked. It is not that I want bipolar, I just want to be better and if you are going to tell me i don't have something then give me a valid reason why you think so. I can research, I am not dumb, I have a college degree. There are documented levels of bipolar.
I can definately say the 26 days I felt "good" were more than normal good. I only slept 4-5 hours a night. I normally sleep 8-9 hours a night. Woke up alert. did a days work before heading off to my job. Talked 90 miles an hour. Wouldn't hardly let anyone get in a word edgewise. My sex drive was increased (no promiscuous thoughts, but my husband was happy). Cleaned house (deep cleaned) moved out furniture, cleaned out storage boxes. Didn't watch one thing on tv the whole time. Even before I remember having issues with depression I never had this much energy. I have always said when people say they have trouble sitting down, I have trouble getting up.
I lost the contact info on my counselor's new office. I found an online email on a psychology website and emailed her. hopefully she still gets and checks the mailbox. I want to talk with her and get her opinion. I like her and trust her. My desire to eat has even began to pick up this week. I ahve gone home tired and went to bed early the last couple nights. Had trouble staying alert during the day yesterday. The irratability started today. I am trying to "talk" myself into feeling good. It is working some, but it is taking alot of effort. Typing on this blog seems to help.
We are going to the lake next week. I was so excited. Planning the family menu, volunteering to buy all the groceries. Planning on cooking what I could ahead of time. Planning out a volunteer rotation for our children's church. Now I feel the indifference growing. I am not going to sink, I will rise above. God PLEASE help me!!! I don't want to go back to that place of despair and mental/emotional torture.
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